I always have reminders that someone depressed like I am shouldn’t care and get attached to people so much. And it is all my fault and I am the only one to blame for the pain I am causing to myself. I am not worth being sad for. I am my own problems, my own consequences and my own loneliness. I am my own explainations I don’t even understand myself.
I’m not even good enough to fight for keeping something I don’t want to lose. I’m just good at sitting there and watching everything going away and dissapearing because of my own thoughts, and I don’t even know what to say and what to do anymore.
I’ll never stop having that feeling of pissing in the wind whenever I’m just trying to… to be someone or something. This is despairing, this emptiness is leaving me down and I’m lonely with it.
Drinking my third Guiness and feeling like an emotional wreck. Me and my pathetics attempts to get my shit together. I don’t even know what I’m still doing here. Everyhing is empty and meaningless. Nothing tastes like continuity.
"I do not imply that bread and circuses are evil things in themselves. Man needs material sustenance and he needs recreation. These needs are so basic that they come within the purview of every religion. In every religion there is a harvest festival of thanksgiving for good crops. And as for recreation, we need only recall that our word ‘holiday’ was originally ‘holy day’, a day of religious observance. In fact, the circuses and games of old Rome were religious in origin. The evil was not in bread and circuses, per se, but in the willingness of the people to sell their rights as free men for full bellies and the excitement of the games which would serve to distract them from the other human hungers which bread and circuses can never appease. The moral decay of the people was not caused by the doles and the games. These merely provided a measure of their degradation. Things that were originally good had become perverted and, as Shakespeare reminds us, ‘Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.’"
Admiral Ben Moreell (of Bread And Circuses, 1956)
Maybe things will start changing when people will realize no matter what political side you take, you lose. Choosing between left or right, democrates or republicans, pro-this or anti-that, that-ism or this-ism, Putin or Obama… it’s like choosing between plague or cholera. Everything needs to be brushed-off with a radical change… but I guess today is Monday, and people are to busy arguing about which one of the bunches of millionaires running over green grass after a leather ball really deserved to win.
Panem et circenses