I have a few messages to reply to and few people to catch up with, but I won’t do this until the begining of next week. I don’t really feel like talking at the moment, I don’t feel like belonging anywhere. I’m again going through a depressive phase and I feel drained and empty. I have no envy to do anything, no envy to think and no envy to feel.I just want to stay in bed in silence and stare at the ceiling while thinking of the useless and meaningless piece of shit I am. And honestly when I’m in this state of mind I’m not of a good company, I feel oppressed and broken, I feel like everything is balming me for being who I am… so I prefer staying alone, even if that’s a mistake. Sorry… and no I’m not sorry, that’s how things are that’s all.
Feeling a wreck today. I think I’m getting really depressed again and eventhough it was expected as I’m always going up and down, it doesn’t make it easier and I feel completely broken and out of sorts. I was waiting for it though, I’ve spent summer feeling empty and drained, avoiding my thoughts and my own mind by only working or sleeping… and now I’m hitting a fucking low again and I already know it’s going to last for at least a few months. It’s really despairing. I wish I could get used to this somehow, but no it seems even worse every fucking time.